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WOW! Where do start? The last time I updated this Blog...my whore of a girlfriend, and then FIANCEE, of 5 1/2 years, had broken up with me (again!) in March of 2008. The thing, skinny, gaunt, sickly pictures of her that she was throwing all over the Net, made me furious...and worried. So, I jumped a plane, and headed back to germany to see what was going on...
Man o man! I had no idea...although, I had my suspicions! My girl...Dagmara, was (again!) online, with dozens of men, and was hooking up, left and right. I just didnt know the whole story!
I arrived back in Germany (of course, not knowing...but suspecting...) and I went to visit her. I knocked, and she let me in...we had coffee, caught up, talked, and made Dinner plans. Day one. The very next day...she comes out to Wasserlosen where I was staying, and asks me to move back in with her! I was staying in germany for 30 days, so...day three, and I was back in! So far, so good...right?
Things went slow, but well at first. She was still spending MANY hours a day online, chatting with her loser/asshole facebook "friends"...but I persisted. I took her for cruises in the countryside, we went out to our favorite Greek retsaurant, had great dinners out under the trees, took long walks, went to the Irish Pub...just kissing, holding hands, reconnecting...and yes, making love every chance we had!
She kept saying to me..."Relax Jim...dont rush things...things will go well for us". That was her "Mantra" when I got there. I had tried to involve her in a few "I need answers" Q&A sessions. But she wasn't ready. I could tell that she had something very serious on her mind though. I could also see by the drastic weight loss...there was something really still "wrong". It was the fabled "900 lb. Gorilla in the room". And I wanted to find out what it was all about.
Days turned into weeks, and I came up with the idea to take us to Antwerp in Belgium. It was my favorite City in Europe, and home to many great memories. None were as good though as the ones I shared with my Dagi there. So...I asked, she made work schedule arrangements, and we went! I was the happiest guy in the world...
I felt that this trip would change and restore everything. A day before we went...we had an unusually long Love making night and morning...when Dagi rolled over to me and said "Jim..do you love me"? I said "Of course!". She then said "Is it real? Is what we have the real thing? Can we make it work again?" I of course..."Yes..of course!". then she said.."Then I think we are back together again...I love you, and will never leave you again...I promise!"
I was ELATED! FINALLY! A breakthrough!
So...off we went. We arrived in the City very quickly, and we settled into our 4+ Star room near the Train Station, as our"usual" Hotel was booked up. We did the usual things...sightseeing, shopping, Movies, drinks, Irish Pub, Karaoke...all the things that made us happy in days gone by. All was well. On the Saturday night, I felt...the time is right! I was going to (finally!) propose to her!
I packed the Ring that had bought for her here in Orlando. It was a nice 1/2 Karat Diamond Solitaire...a thing of beauty, and the correct size. I put in my jacket pocket, and off we went into the night. All that night, I asked her "test" questions...basically sizing her up, seeing if she was ready for such a thing. It all seemed more or less perfect. Or so I thought!
As it got closer to Midnight, I maneuvered us towards the Suikkerei, and out to the Schelde River. As we get out to the River, in the breeze, and with my favorite City behind me, I stopped, and pulled out the Ring case without her seeing it. I asked her...
"Dagmara...do you know how much you mean to me? How much I dearly love you"? She said "I do...". Then I said, "Honey...I have a question for you...one that I have wanted to ask for years, but only can just now do, because of Money, time, and...this.." And opened the case...
There in the Moonlight...was the Ring. She looked at it, and immediately burst into tears! I asked her then.. "Dagmara Moron...will you be my Wife"
Then...tears...and silence. She stared at me, and did not know what to say! Then, she started trembling (It was windy...) and she said words that tore through me like a laser beam... she said "Jim...I love you more than anything...but I am not ready for this...all that we have planned and hoped for is not 100%! What you went to the States to do, is not "done" yet!"
I said "I understand honey...But, we will be there soon. This Ring, this question, this proposal, is just a question...and, I am asking for your committment! For your promise, that you will remain true and faithful to me as you have been all these hard years together, and, that you will know, that by my asking, that I will be the same for you...faithful and true forever".
She looked at me, and said "I am not ready"
I paused...not quite sure what I had just heard, and simply said..."I understand". I took the ring, put it back in the box. The next thing I do not remember fully, but she told me in a later conversation, that I took the Ring, reared back, and was going to throw it into the Schelde! So...i guess I did! I felt that my offer was a one time deal...and either her heart was in it, or it was not...either way, I did not want that Ring anymore near me...it had become a sign that I had (again) failed with Dagmara! So...I wanted to throw it away....
Dagmara, seeing what I was going to do, immediately jumped on me, and forced the Ring from my hands, crying "NO! NO" Dont do it"! And crying hysterically... She took it from me, put it in her pants pocket and said...
"When I said I was not sure, that is because so many things have happened (Little did I know what she was talking about!) And, that I am not ready to say yes NOW".
Well..I was devastated...the night was totally ruined for me, and I felt so weak, I thought I would simply fall over...collapse. I said simply "Lets go back to the room". We made that long walk back...and did not say a word to each other. She tried several times to hold my hand, but I wouldnt allow it. I was devastated. We get back to the room, showered, got ready for bed, and went to sleep...not a kiss, a hug, anything. It was pure hell for me.
The next morning, I figured, the trip was all for nothing, and that we should go home, simply forget the whole thing. I said "Honey...I think we should just pay the Bill, and I can drive you back to Schweinfurt. ". She said "No! Lets please have a nice day in the City, there are some things that we need to talk about". I of course asked what it could be, and what could have made her even THINK about saying "No" last night...but she wouldn't budge...she insisted we stay. So...instead of pissing her off, I stayed. My heart was not in it...but i did.
We went to the Volksfest on the Vlaamsekei where I had gone for so many years with friends. We rode the ferris wheel, ate cotton condy, did all the "fest" things that couples do. We kissed on the wheel...saw the City from on high...enjoyed the day. I noticesd as it got closer towards lunch/dinner time, she was getting a bit nervous. So... asked...
"Dagi...what was it that you wanted to tell me??" She was by this time VERY nervous, almost pale, and trembling slightly....so I helped her out a bit by asking "Is it someone else? because I know already....."
I just let the question hang in the air.....
She looked at me as if she had seen a ghost! AND, she knew then, that I knew. (Or sort of knew...I was testing her, hoping she would just admit it, spit it out...)
She said "Jim...You left me here all alone, and were in Florida.,then you went on a cruise to the Bahama's, and were hanging out with your rich friends...I was alone"
What THIS was, was Dagi's typical "Things are bothering me, so let me blame MY anxiety on YOU" way of thinking. So...I dug a bit deeper...."what is it that you want to say to me??"
She said "We were not togetther then...so whatever you know, or think you know doesn't "count"...so many things happened that I am not proud of, and I dont want to tell you about".
It was only then...that she FINALLY told me, about her secret trip to Philadelphia to "meet friends" (I had been bugging her constantly to tell me what she was really doing there!) Once I found out, naturally i was livid! I was upset, because she could have been KILLED there! NO ONE does what she did! it was stupid, and totally reckless! But...here I was, asking for truth...so what could I do? I simply accepted it. I couldnt turn back time, and she had through a Miracle survived the trip...so, I simply said "OK...then why didn't you call me? tell me you were in the US? I would have come to see you!"
She in turn countered with"I didnt want that...I wanted to be with "friends". (I later found out that she had gone to be with this silly baldd headed Reserves Sp4 named Paul Bauducco. he is in some mess kit repair company or something like that...just some loser she met on Facebook...and went to see. I was mad as hell....but, I still wanted to "save" the situation. So, I played "Diplomat".
I asked some more questions, got some more lies, some half truths...all frustrating. Day turned into night, and it was time to get dressed for Dinner. I was not happy how the day had turned out...not at all. That night...after an "ok" night of Dinner, singing, just being "together", we kissed...dec;lared our love for each other...and just hoped and prayed things would be ok.
That night...we walked across the Groenplaats hand in hand, looked up and paused as we stared at the Cathedral. We kissed again, and just stood there. At that moment, she said words that I will never forget...
" Jim..I love you, and I want to Marry you. I want to be your Wife..."
I couldnt believe it! So I asked her..."Is this true? Do you M-E-A-N it!?? Honestly?"
"YES!" she cried out as she threw her arms around my neck, kissed me, and handed me the Ring that she had carried with her all day long! I took the ring, and put it on her finger...a perfect fit! FINALLY! We were engaged!!! FINALLY!
All is well with the story...right? WRONG! Minutes later, her father died.
I will not go into the whole tragic telling of THAT part of the story...but, it was the hardest 2 days of my life. I ended up driving us 2,860kms in TWO DAYS! All the way from Antwerp, to Schweinfurt, to Bielsko....and back after the Funeral.
It was a sad time for all. But little did I know...what all was REALLY going on!
It turns out (I found all this after I came back to Florida...what a FOOL I was!)
Dagmara had been intensively online, and had made several dates with some of these idiots she met on Facebook! She had met up with some total idiot and loser named Morton Lyyke in Denmark...a silly pasty faced dick head, wanna-be DJ, that had no car, and lived at home with his fucking parents! And thats not all...
She had paraded this loser all through Schweinfurt...the town where we met, fell in love at, and lived together at for 5 1/2 YEARS...! Everybody that saw them laughed at her...everyone that saw them out and about turned their backs to them, would not greet her, and some even called me here! In tears!...at all times of the day and night! I ended up getting at least 6 phone calls about this...the worst being from my own Daughter! She and this loser were at the Movies the same time my Daughter was there with her boyfriend! The textbook slap in the face...
I was devastated. My true, faithful sweet Dagmara, is now a liar, a cheater, and everybody's internet weekend slut-fuck! How far they fall....
I could not believe it!
So...where are we at NOW?
Well...once I found out...she conveniently calls me up , breaks up with me yet AGAIN...and then has the fucking nerve, to try to make it all somehow (you guessed it.. MY FAULT!)
So...What do we do now??
Well...I came here to America to start a new life for us. We had a deal. She broke the agreement. I stayed true...she cheated. I never went on a date with ANYone...she went and fucked strange Men that she met on Facebook. So...thats her new life I guess! But one (understandably...with out ME!)
Many things have happened since...words were said, and I declared that I (foolishly) still loved her, and wanted to help her work it out...
Well, I realized..."You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make it drink".
So...I will keep my promise, I remain true, and yes...I have dome EVERYTHING I came here to do. She? Well, she has cancelled most of her slutty online ads and My Space sites...and I can only hope that she will use her time and her "new life" of being an internet Whore to somehow save her self?...what do I mean? Well, not only has she damned her self in the eyes of the lord, but she is now an astounding 6,000 Euros in minus at her Bank, and is living hand to mouth!
So...I estimate MAXIMUM three months from now (Today being the 29th of Aug 2008) She will be probably: Homeless, and out of work. She has virtually ALL of her Co-workers against her now...when they found out what she did to me (us I should say) they were VERY upset! Now that her Bosses know that she cannot be trusted, and that she can easily lie and betray in such a way, she has been taken off the list for Management candidates at H&M (Hennes and Moritz) where she works still in Schweinfurt.
Things are just not looking good for my brown eyed girl! And...I feel very little sympathy for her...because she betrayed my trust, the trust of her friends and relatives, misled us all, and has now painted her self into a very tight corner.
But...I am a Christian. I can only pray for her...as all attempts to reach out to her to help her save her self have failed. My Therapist says that this will take time, and she will have to completely crash and burn before she sees the fill extent of what she has done.
So we all wait...for the impending implosion. And, It will not be pretty.
